This semester has been incredibly overwhelming, with the only truly relaxing moments being the few weeks after receiving the return offer. From the start of the semester, I was anxiously praying for a return offer from my internship company. While anxiously wondering about the offer, I halfheartedly searched for jobs. During a particularly frustrating period in my job search, I unexpectedly received a call from HR with an offer. My mood skyrocketed that day - I remember calling my girlfriend at lunch to complain about how discouraging the job search was, only to receive the good news that afternoon.

After negotiating salary details with HR and securing a small raise, things took an unexpected turn. The offer letter kept getting delayed, with HR citing pending CTO approval. Eventually, they called to explain they were reconsidering next year's headcount - possibly increasing or decreasing it - potentially due to the presidential election results. It was completely bizarre. When I received that call from HR, I had a bad feeling, and hearing such unfortunate news left me speechless. I kept thinking, "Why am I the one dealing with this?" and remained dejected for several days.

Although I tried to regain motivation to job hunt after feeling down, job searching isn't simply about effort equating to results. Most days were spent managing feelings of futility and disappointment. The time invested rarely corresponded to interview opportunities - everything was too unpredictable.

During this time, negative thoughts constantly plagued me. I worried about potentially ending up without any offers, becoming unemployed until my OPT expired, and having to return to Taiwan. While I didn't necessarily need to stay in America, which has its own drawbacks, the thought of failing to find work here and being forced to return home would have crushed my long-held confidence. I've always been confident in my abilities and couldn't accept failure.

I often doubted myself, wondering if I couldn't find work because I wasn't good enough. Though I knew job hunting success isn't absolutely correlated with ability, I frequently fell into this mindset and became discouraged.

The lowest point was probably around Thanksgiving. TikTok rescheduled or ghosted me for interviews several times. One day, they canceled and rescheduled right before an interview. While not a major issue, it disrupted my holiday plans and felt like yet another setback. I felt overwhelmed and unexpectedly broke down crying. I was in a DDIA study group with friends at the time but couldn't focus and just muted myself. Another blow came on Thanksgiving Day itself - a rejection from Bloomberg after three rounds of interviews. I was so emotionally drained by then that I found it darkly humorous - who sends rejections on Thanksgiving? 🤣

I've noticed that offers tend to come when I'm at my lowest, feeling completely indifferent. Last year during my internship search, I hit rock bottom around October, then started accepting that not finding work in America wouldn't be the end of the world. Shortly after, I got interviews and successfully secured an offer. This year followed a similar pattern - after the darkest period, as if my bad luck had run its course, I successfully completed several interview rounds and received an offer before Christmas. (Though I still prepared diligently for interviews - can't attribute everything to luck!)

While I still wish I could return to my previous company, I'm grateful to have an offer before Christmas, allowing me to relax somewhat during the holiday. For 2025, I'll need to continue job hunting. The main lesson learned is to "always maintain interview-ready status" - ideally having multiple offers at all times, as you never know when unexpected situations might arise. Additionally, I need to consciously avoid defining "success" too narrowly through metrics like "having offers," "where you work," or "job titles," and being overly envious of those at prestigious companies. There are truly talented people outside the big companies I know, and less skilled people at the big companies I aspire to join - luck plays a significant role. I shouldn't feel unsuccessful or like a failure; there are many ways to prove one's abilities.

As for my tendency toward negative thinking and always considering worst-case scenarios, I'm still working on that. For now, I'll focus on exercising more, preparing for the worst while staying optimistic. Today marks the first day of 2025, and I hope this year brings fewer unfortunate events. All is well.