Regarding the Return Offer.

I've wanted to express my true feelings about this on LinkedIn, but fearing potential negative consequences, I decided to document it here instead. Yikes, my first post of 2025 is filled with resentment - I didn't want it to be this way. I hate myself. (By the way, why do I have to worry about negative impacts of posting complaints on LinkedIn? I hate this world too.)

I thought I could move on after getting other interviews and offers, that I could let go of the return offer that was given and then taken away. But surprisingly, I still can't truly let it go. It's like a stone in my heart - until I know the final outcome, my emotions keep fluctuating. Maybe I'm not satisfied enough with my current offers; perhaps if I received a more appealing offer, I wouldn't be so fixated on this. I keep thinking about when HR called to tell me the offer status was uncertain, saying I was a victim of circumstances. The more I think about it, the more unfair it feels. I still can't fully accept this situation - why did it have to be me? I performed so well during my internship and even helped fix a cross-teams issue. It's such an awful feeling. This is ridiculous.

There's no real point to this writing - I just want to document how this incident caused me a period of suffering. I've had normal times and periodic bouts of depression, waiting painfully for something that might never come, and somehow getting reminded of this situation periodically, falling back into negative emotions. Fortunately, I received another offer at the end of last year; otherwise, I can't imagine how much worse my mental state would be. This must be a chronic issue for international students - constantly anxious about things beyond our control.

"It's just one offer, why be so hung up on it?"

I often try to comfort myself this way, telling myself it's time to move on, but I just can't - it's really difficult. Maybe it's because I'm unsatisfied with my current offer, my sense of belonging with the original company, their benefits, the relationship with my previous manager and teammates, and feeling that my good performance deserved that offer. Whatever the reason, it's really hard, and I don't know what to do. The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming - what else can I do?

I think maybe in a few months, when I finally get the return offer, looking back at this post will be quite amusing (I really hope so).